THE CURRENT FALLEN ANGELS

Not a list of everyone/thing who we have lost throughout the year, but rather those whose (sometimes bodily) downfall fills us with a little sense of humor or whimsical joie de vivre. The demise should elicit a "giggle" in some way. This list may be revised periodically as some entries are determined to be in "poor taste."

2024

• The career of Emiliano Rodolfo "Chuggaaconroy" Rosales-Birou -- [CANCELLED DUE TO FOOT FETISH]
• Kwik Trip's "bagged milk" -- [DISCONTINUED]
• Toby Keith Covel
• Joseph Isadore Lieberman
• Orenthal James "The Juice" Simpson
• Lawrence "Larry the Barfly" Dalrymple -- [CHARACTER ON "THE SIMPSONS"]
• A portion of Robert Francis Kennedy Jr.'s brain -- [CONSUMED BY BRAIN WORM, ALSO DEAD]
• George Marshall Cooper Sr. -- [YOUNG SHELDON'S DEAD FATHER; FICTIONAL]
• Sayyid Ebrahim Raisolsadati -- [PRESIDENT OF IRAN]
• Red Lobster Hospitality, LLC -- [FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY]
• Intellivision -- [BRAND AND LIBRARY OF GAMES ACQUIRED BY ATARI]
• Morgan Valentine Spurlock -- [THE "SUPERSIZE ME" MAN]
• Kabosu -- [DOGE; GENUINELY SAD]
• The marriage of Billy Ray Cyrus and someone named "Firehose" -- [CORRECTION: HER NAME IS "FIREROSE"]
• Donald McNichol Sutherland CC
• The career of Herschel "Guy" Beahm IV, AKA Dr. Disrespect -- [CANCELLED FOR UMPTEENTH TIME DUE TO PREDATORY BEHAVIORS]
• Milton Teagle "Richard" Simmons -- [THE FITNESS PERSONALITY]
• The upper portion of Donald John Trump's right ear -- [PIERCED BY BULLET]
• George Robert "Bob" Newart
• Louis Carl "Lou" Dobbs
• Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr.'s prospects for a second presidential term
• The fianancial viability of the Harold and the Purple Crayon film
• Jack Peter Karlson -- [THE "SUCCULENT CHINESE MEAL" MAN]
• The hairbrained schemes and senatorial career of Robert "Bob" Jacobsen Menendez Sr.
• The multiplayer videogame Concord -- [TAKEN OFFLINE BY SONY AFTER APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS]
• Big Lots Stores, Inc. -- [FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY]
• The credibility of Ellen of The Ellen Show -- [TARNISHED ONCE AGAIN]
• Liam James Payne
• TGI Fridays Franchisor, LLC -- [FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY]
• The "Kum & Go" brand -- [ICONIC IOWA CONVENIENCE STORE CHAIN -- TO BE REBRANDED BY NEW PARENT COMPANY]
• Brian Robert Thompson -- [UNITEDHEALTHCARE CEO -- ASSASSINATED IN A MAJOR WAY]
• The stability of the $TUAH coin (or whatever it's called) -- [VALUE ERASED AFTER MS. TUAH'S CHEEKY "RUG PULL;" HER STATUS IS UNKNOWN]
• James Earl "Jimmy" Carter Jr.

2025

• One Cybertruck and one Green Beret man -- [EXPLODED IN LAS VEGAS]
• Perry the donkey -- [MINIATURE DONKEY THOUGHT TO HAVE INSPIRED THE CHARACTER IN THE "SHREK" FILMS]
• The premiership of Justin Pierre James Trudeau
• Ownership of Rudolph William Louis "Rudy" Giuliani's Palm Beach condo -- [POSSIBLY FORCED TO SURRENDER IT AFTER BEING SUED FOR $148 MILLION]
• Jean Louis Marie "Jean-Marie" Le Pen
• Edgar Maddison Welch -- [THE "PIZZAGATE" LUNATIC]
• Bill Byrge -- [PLAYED THE "BOBBY" CHARACTER IN THE "ERNEST" FILMS]
• Robert George "Bob" Ueker
• David Keith Lynch
• The stability of the really awesome $TRUMP and $MELANIA coins
• Access to the TikTok platform and other ByteDance-owned services in the United States -- [MADE UNAVAILABLE FOR AROUND 14 HOURS IN A BLATANT AND UNPROFESSIONAL PR MOVE FOR RONALD TRUNKS]
• Vivek Ganapathy Ramaswamy's promised position at the Department of Doge -- [WAS REALIZED TO BE TOO ANNOYING A GUY]
• The Electronic Arts Origin videogame launcher